My social anxiety is really funny.
What I mean is she treats me like a joke,
And everyone gets to laugh except me.
Because I AM a joke.
I am the pun she uses to entertain those around me.
Making me uncomfortable and silent
And enveloping my mind into a divergent world
Except the one I actually exist in,
She finds it amusing when I get so riled up and cannot stand to be around everyone,
So like a puppet with her in control,
I grab my bag and mutter a couple of goodbyes and master up one of my fake smiles and I'm through the door.
When we get home, the fun doesn't end there.
She begins pointing out words that I might have mispronounced and my laughter that might have been too loud or the outfit that I wore.
"Or maybe you are paranoid?" She whispers with a cynical laugh
Mocking me as I crawl into bed.
She bids me "Goodnight" four hours past midnight and reminds me how she can't wait to see me again and crack her jokes next time I leave the house.
She hugs me goodbye and leaves her scent lingering all over my pillow in disguise of tears.
PS: We might be struggling in secret with social anxiety, some of us don't quite even know that we have it. It disguises itself in so many forms and leaves a sickening pit in our stomachs, but this is something that can be defeated. First with acceptance and then seeking to be helped.
-Kirabo Trinah
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